Abby's alarm clock rang at 6am, signalling it was time to get up. She switched it off and lay on her back, thinking about the night before. Thinking about Carter. She remembered all the things they had been through together...Oklahoma, AA meetings, his grandmother's fundraiser, his grandfather's funeral and the countless cups of coffee they had had at Doc Magoos. She had always loved the fact that he understood her. More than Richard, more than Luka. He always knew what she was thinking and when she needed him. She loved this, but it scared her too. A lifetime of pain had taught her to guard her emotions. Keep them locked deep inside her so she wouldn't get hurt. She kept people at a distance, cut off. It was why she had stayed with Luka for so long - he was easy...uncomplicated. He was someone who wouldn't get too close, who wouldn't be able to tough her soul. But Carter? He could crumble her walls with one look, see through her defences and make her feel completely vulnerable. She wanted this as much as she didn't. She wanted someone, John, to see into her but she couldn't take anymore pain. She loved him. She knew this...even though she tried hard not to, but... "We'd only hurt each other" she remembered saying last night. Work was gonna be hell...they were on the same shift. Not that it really mattered, they had perfected the art of avoiding each other. He would...
"Damn!" She said looking after the clock. It was 6:45am. She was due at work in 15 minutes! She jumped out of bed and quickly ran into the shower.
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John stood at the admit desk in the ER. To everyone around him, it looked like he was going over reports but really he was thinking about her. Abby. The only woman he had ever really loved. Yeah, sure he'd had girlfriends before but he'd never felt like this. He thought about last night. He'd been sure they could make it work. He knew he could make her happy...she just had to let him.
'I never said I loved you' she had said. This one, tiny sentence was the cause of so much pain. 'Does she love me?' He wondered. She can't. If she did we wouldn't be in this situation...we'd be together.
"Carter," a familiar voice said, snapping him back to reality.
"Hm? Docter Weaver! What can I do for you?" He asked with no real enthusiasm.
"Patient. Exam One. Dog bite."
"On it!"
As he began walking away, he bumped into Chuny.
"Hey Dr Carter. Sorry!"
"Don't worry 'bout it I wasn't looking where I was going."
As she walked away he said "Hey, have you seen Abby? She's supposed to be on but..."
"Sorry Dr Carter, dunno where she is."
"Okay thanks." He mumbled, not really paying attention. His mind had wandered back to her. 'Where is she?' He
thought. She's probably just avoiding me...as usual. That's all we seem to do these days.
"Hi Jody. I'm Dr Carter" he said, smiling at the little girl sitting on the bed. Her face was red and puffy from crying. He nodded at her parents.
"So...let's take a look at your hand." He sat and gently took her hand. "Oh this looks sore"
Jody nodded slowly. "You must be very brave. Can you tell me what happened?" He asked, a concerned look on his face.
"My next door neighbours dog bit me." She replied in a small voice.
"Okay. Can you tell me if this hurt?" He gently prodded her wrist then around the bite mark.
"Aah" she cried
"I'm sorry." He looked over at her parents. "There doesn't seem to be anything broken but we'll take an x-ray to make sure. All she'll need is a tetanus." The girls parents looked relieved. "If you'll excuse me, I'll get one of the nurses to clean it out and give it a few stitches." He stood up and exited. After a few steps he bumped into someone.
"Sorry" he said without looking up. "Seems to be happening to me a lot today"
"It's no problem."
"Abby!" He said looking up. "Sorry I didn't realise it was you."
"Chuny said you were looking for me."
"No, I...I was just wondering where you were. I was worried." He admitted. He noticed she looked slightly angry at this.
"Jeez Carter, I'm only 20 minutes late." An awkward silence fell between them. God this is terrible she thought. 'Why won't you go?' She said to herself. She looked at him. He looked tired. His eyes soft and hair ruffled. Everything she said to him last night came flooding back She finally spoke.
"So is that it?" She asked impatiently.
"Er...no. Could you see to the little girl in exam one. Dog bite. Needs stitched." He told her, somewhat abruptly. This...
Being so close to her was killing him.
She looked slightly annoyed at his tone of voice. "Right!" She snapped, pushing past him. 'If he wants to pretend nothing's going on that's fine!' She thought. John spoke again, his tone softer,
"Abby?" She turned looking right into his eyes. She saw pain, a look mirrored in her own. "Can we talk? Later I mean"
She continued to stare into his eyes for a few seconds. He's so gorgeous, she thought. He looks so innocent. She desperately wanted him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be fine. She shook her head violently, trying to remove the thought.
"I think we said everything last night - don't you?" And with that she stomped off towards exam one.
........................
'Why does he have to push?' She thought 'I told him it wouldn't work.' Why did she have to be such a bitch? She was so cold. Deep inside she knew she was glad he wanted to talk. It meant he hadn't given up on her. She was so confused. She wanted him to leave her alone but she wanted him to be there. It was hard. She'd talk to him eventually. She just wasn't ready yet. It was still too...raw.