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Across the ER, in the Doctor's lounge Carter was writing some notes. Why is she being so stubborn? It's not her. It's me. I should take the hint. She's not interested. She doesn't love me, she told me so herself. He felt a stab at his heart as he relived those words again. "I never said I loved you"

He gave up and threw his pen onto the table. His head dropped into his hands. I have to talk to her. I have to sort this out. It's killing my concentration...it's killing me. He wondered why he couldn't just forget these feelings. He'd felt like this ever since he first got to know her. He'd kept it secret this long...why did he have to open his big mouth back in May? Love - isn't it supposed to be simple? He laughed sardonically.

"What's so funny?"

He jumped. "God I didn't hear the door open"

She shrugged. "So what were you laughing at?" She asked attempting to avoid the awkward silences that usually came to visit about now.

"Nothing" he shook his head.

"Oh. Okay..." She crossed to her locker and pulled out her jacket.

"Abby..." She turned, "you wanna go to Doc's and get some coffee?" His eyes pleaded with her even though he tried to sound nonchalant. She loved that about him. No matter how he was acting, she could look into his eyes and see him. What he was really feeling.

She hesitated, looking at the floor. The desperation reached his voice as he whispered, "Please Abby"

She couldn't say no - could she? She looked up at him and said "Okay" before she even realised it. His eyes could make her do anything.

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Sitting at a booth in Doc Magoos, the waitress brung them their coffees. Abby stared down at the table unable to meet Carter's eyes. He was trying to think of something to say.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He asked. "You know you're making a mistake." Yeah good one John! You could have gone with subtle and sensitive but hey...

She stopped, coffee half-way to her mouth. She looked surprised. This turned to anger. "What?" 'How dare you!' She thought "You rejected me!"

"I didn't reject you."

Shit! She hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"No? Well what would you call it?" She asked her voice rising slightly.

"You were still hung up on Luka"

She rolled her eyes. "Here we go again!" She snapped. "Bring it back to Luka! You know I'm starting to think you're the one who's hung up on him Carter! You're just using him as an excuse. You changed your mind! That's if you ever did actually have feelings for me in the first place. You didn't want me and instead of just admitting it, you bring it back to Luka!"

"That's not true. And you know how I feel about you." He was getting angry too. She carried on not paying any attention to what he said.

"And how could I still be hung up on Luka? I never loved him in the first place, not like I l..."

She stopped, realising what she was about to say. She noticed John staring at her. She chose to ignore it. She looked down at the table. 'Not like I love you' she finished in her head. 'Not like I love you!' Tell him. She dismissed the voice. He doesn't want to know she thought. She paused, taking a deep breath before she continued.

"I didn't love him. I was with him...I don't know...kinda out of default." She spoke quietly, still looking at the table. She looked up at him. He was silently willing her to continue. What did she mean? Why hadn't she finished the sentence he wondered.

"It was convienient for both of us. We had a relationship without all the risks. He couldn't hurt me, or get too close. It was easy. She drank her coffee.

"Is that what you're scared of? That I'll hurt you?" He asked gently

"Don't you get it Carter? You already have." She tried to keep control of her voice. "You already have." She was barely audible.

He shot her a questioning look.

"What? You don't think it hurt when you rejected me? Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to say all that stuff? Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, you start dating Susan like, the next day."

"Susan and I..."

"I know Carter! You broke up. It doesn't change anything. I just...wish we could go back...to when we were friends..."

"Come one Abby." He sounded slightly irritated. 'I am her friend' he thought. "Even though things have changed...you know I'll always be there for you"

Abby rolled her eyes and laughed. 'Yeah that'll be right' she thought. John looked up at ther surprised and hurt.

"You'll always be ther for me? Sure. Yeah. Whatever!"

"Abby, you know I'm here..." Boy was he starting to annoy her.

"Oh yeah?" She spat, raising her voice. "You haven't been there for me since May! Where were you when my best friend told me he couldn't be around me anymore? You dropped this bomb on me and walked away without letting me process it. Where were you when I broke up with Luka? Or how about on my birthday, when no one else remembered? Where were you when I was attacked and needed a place to stay? Where were you John?" She was yelling now and people were looking. She was trembling with anger.

"You haven't beem there for me in months. You've been too busy avoiding me." She slammed her empty coffee cup down. "Well that's fine! From now on... Just stay the hell out of my way!"

She grabbed her bag and stomped out the door.

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