Abby stood, awe-struck. Had he just said...? No! It had to be a dream - right? She had misheard. She was desperate to ask him but she didn't want to face the truth just yet - that he didn't mean it. She just wanted to savour the moment. Here was the guy she had been in love with for... Well it seemed like forever, telling her he loved her too. So she stood there, looking down, unable to meet his eyes in case he was kidding. She wanted him to say it again, to make her believe it.

But he just stood there watching her, searching for a reaction. Had he made a mistake by telling her? Would they be okay now? Or would this finish them? He contemplated ignoring his feelings, pretending he hadn't said anything but that hadn't worked last time. They had made the decision to be friends up on the roof yet, here they were a couple of weeks later in the same position - questioning their relationship, pushing each other away. When she said they were finished he knew he couldn't hide it anymore. He had to tell her. He had already lost the most important thing in the world - what was left? No, pretending he felt nothing didn't work. So he chose the other road. The road less travelled. He couldn't back out now. He wouldn't give up on them like that. He saw her confusion and uncertainty so he repeated himself, this time more softly,

"I love you."

She looked up at him, eyes unreadable, and laughed bitterly. He felt like he had been stabbed in the heart. Not the response he was hoping for.

"No you don't." Her laughter faded and was replaced by the familiar look of pain, regret and sadness. She knew he didn't love her - he loved Susan.

"Yes I do." He replied firmly, his eyes pleading hers to believe him, "I love you."

"No! You're just... This is just an attempt to fix everything. Well it won't work!"

"Why won't you believe me? Is it so hard for you to accept someone could love you?"

"It might have been more convincing if you hadn't spent the night flirting with some blond. Or if you hadn't just broke up with another one. You're so clearly on the rebound... What? Sophie turned you down?" She knew she was being harsh, but she couldn't help it. It was her defence mechanism - if something hurts, be a bitch and don't let it show. She hated that he could hurt her like this. What? Was she supposed to feel grateful that Carter had finally noticed her hanging around? Would he really be there if he could have hooked up with someone else? No way. It would be a case of Abby who? She knew it! Did he really think she was that stupid? Carter threw his hands in the air,

"God Abby! You really think that? Why would you even want o be friends with someone who would use you like that?"

"If you had been listening, you'd have known I said we're not friends - not anymore." She yelled. She saw him flinch.

Good! He deserved it - right? Yeah.

"Fine!" He spat.

"Fine! What does that mean?"

"It means fine. If that's what you want then okay, I won't be part of your life anymore. If you really think I would use you like that then fine, I'll leave you alone." He turned and began to walk towards the door.

"Carter... I'm sorry." She said. She didn't believe he loved her, but she didn't want him to hate her either. This was Carter. Did she really believe he could be so... Spiteful? She shook her head "I know... You wouldn't deliberately use me or..." She slumped down on the couch, unable to go on, and buried her head in her hands. She fought back her tears, this was so hard. "I'm a horrible person. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. It's just...why would anyone love me? I'm bitter, angry, unhappy...

His heart broke. She was in so much pain - most of it caused by him. Did she really believe that was the type of person she was? He went to her and let his arms envelope her small frame. They sat there for a few minutes, in silence, just giving each other the support they needed. He spoke softly,

"They'd love you because you care. Because, even though you pretend to be strong, inside you're just as lost and fragile as the rest of us. He put his finger on her chin and turned her head to face him. He looked into her deep eyes,

"*I* love you Abby. I love how capable you are, how complicated you are. I love that you're there for me no matter what. I love that you let me in, let me see parts of you that no one else gets to see. I love that you were strong enough to report me when you saw me shooting up - you saved my life. When I came back from rehab, my friends, people I had worked with for years... They didn't see me anymore. They saw a drug addict but you, you never judged me. You were there for me unconditionally. And for that, I love you. I love that you let me help you when no one else could - with Maggie, your drinking. I love that you know me and I know you. I love how funny you are, your smile and how it can make even the crappiest day worth it. I love that just seeing you can make me happier than I've ever been. I love all of you. Your insecurities, your fears - all of you. Last year if you had asked me what I think about before I fell asleep and as soon as I wake up in the morning O would have said drugs - no question. Now... It's you. Your everything, and I don't want to lose you." Finally! Everything he felt was out. He noticed how dazed she looked and tried to lighten things up,

"I mean, who else would let me make a huge speech without telling me to shut up?" He chuckled slightly, trying to cover his nerves. He had laid it all out. His heart, his soul, and she wasn't saying anything.

Abby sat trying to absorb this. He...he loved her. He hadn't been lying. He really did love her. No one had ever said anything like that to her before - not even Richard. She watched him wait, wait for her response. She opened her mouth but couldn't find the words. How could anything she said compare to that? He had bared his soul to her - and she couldn't even speak, tell him she felt the same way. She was so overwhelmed.

Carter took her silence as her answer and slowly nodded. He understood. She didn't feel the same way. He stood, his heart heavy and walked to the door. Now it really was over.

Abby watched him walk away. Like all the other times she'd let him walk away in the past. But now it was different - she knew how he felt. Could she really let him go? Let him walk out of her life forever? As he turned the handle, she found her voice. She leapt up and ran over tom him,

"Don't!" She begged. He turned with a pained expression. She slowly walked the rest of the way toward the door. As she reach him she whispered, "Don't go." They were standing so close now. She raised her hand to his cheek and stroked it softly. He leaned into it, savouring her touch,

"I can't let you walk away again. I was just...shocked. What you said...overwhelmed me..." He raised a finger to her lips to silence her and then place it on top of her hand. His eyes full of conflicting emotions looked down on hers.

"Abby," he whispered slowly, not sure he could do this. He sighed, "you need time." She began to protest, shaking her head violently but again he silenced her, "Ten minutes ago you were standing there telling me to go and leave you, now you're begging me to stay. I don't think you know what you want. I'm...gonna go away, just for a while. I think we both need some time apart to think things over."

"Please don't do this," she begged, a tear rolling down her cheek. She couldn't fight them back anymore. He couldn't leave her.

"You need to figure out what you want," he gently kissed her forehead, "I love you" An he was gone. Abby slumped to the floor against the door whispering,

"I want you." But he was gone. He had left her. She hugged her body tight and gently rocked herself. And for the second time that night, Abby sat alone, crying.