A/N: Finally! Here it is...sorry for the wait! I hope it was worth it!

E-mail: cheeza@supanet.com

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What? What am I supposed to say? My mind begins to spin, a wave of different emotions attacking me from every angle. Shock, fear, happiness, relief. Relief that it isn't his. Relief that I haven't lost her completely. Is that selfish? Who's have thought that two little words could turn someone's life around so completely? Twelve weeks.

Memories of that night, our night, come flooding back. It was perfect. It was everything I have ever wanted. It was Abby and I together. But she didn't feel the same. It was a mistake she had said. Not to me it wasn't. It was hard getting past it at first. Knowing I had everything I ever wanted and I lost it. Then she started dating him. Some guy she didn't even know and I all I wanted to do was scream 'what does he have that I don't? Why him?' But he makes her happy and that's all that matters. She's happy...something I never seemed to make her. We don't talk about 'us' now. We're both too fragile, I think. It's probably for the best. At least, that's what I have to tell myself.

But now I'm not so sure. She's having a baby - my baby. I can see her sitting there and I want to tell her how happy I am...but I'm not sure if she wants that. Does she want me to be involved? I look over at her, hoping to find the answer I her eyes. She looks scared...scared and nervous. I should say something. Comfort her.

"Are you keeping it?" I hear myself ask. Yeah, good one John - very comforting! Her eyes glaze over and I know I hurt her.

"Yes"

"I'm sorry...I just..." I begin to babble, desperate to make it up to her.

"I know" she smiles slightly, letting me know she's okay. "Yeah, I'm keeping it. Things are different this time." This time? What does that mean? I look at her but I don't think she even realises what she said.

"This time?" I ask softly. She looks up at me, her eyes full of sadness. I can see her indecision. Should she tell me or not? She opens her mouth and whispers,

"I was pregnant before. With Richard. I...I had and...abortion." A single tear slides down her cheek and I immediately feel like an asshole. I should've left it alone. I quickly slide out of my seat and take one next to her. I pull her into my arms, stroking her hair as she sobs against me. I just sit there and hold her. It's what she needs - support.

She sits up and wipes away her tears with the back of her hand. She's been through so much in her life. I wish I could protect her from all the bad things in the world, from anything that could hurt her. She begins to speak again, her voice trembling, echoing the sadness in her eyes,

"I never told him. I was so scared..." I hold my hand up to silence her. She shouldn't have to go through this again,

"You don't have to explain." I say softly. I don't want to cause her anymore pain. She takes my hand and holds it in her own,

"I want to." I nod and she continues softly, "Richard and I were falling apart. He was never around. I was still drinking and I had just had to deal with Maggie. I was so scared when I found out. All I kept thinking was, 'What if it's Bipolar?' I was a mess. I couldn't have coped with a baby."

More tears form in the corner of he eyes and my heart breaks. She's been through so much pain. I wipe away her tears and wish I could do the same to her pain. Take it all away, so that she could be happy.

"I was unhappy. With Richard, with Maggie, with myself. I would have been a terrible mother. I kept thinking it would be like Maggie. I couldn't go through that again. I was so fragile. Part of the reason was Richard. I didn't want to be with him. I didn't want to have his baby. I know it sounds selfish but I guess I just didn't love him enough."

We sit in silence for a moment. She leans against me, and just hold her again. I look down at our fingers entwined. When she found out she was pregnant again, she must have been so scared...and I wasn't there.

"I can't go through that again," she mumbles. "I won't. I want this baby. Things are different this time."

I nod and smile down at her. What did she mean? She said she didn't love Richard enough to have a baby with him. Does that mean she loves me? No! Of course not. I shouldn't even be thinking about myself right now. She said things were different now. She's different. She's stronger. She grew up.

I realise I'm in a world of my own when she stands. I look up at her, questioning her actions. Where is she going? She smiles at me and it hits me again just how beautiful she really is. I really don't think I could love her anymore than I do right now.

"You've got a lot to think about. You need to think about what you want. Whether or not you want to be involved in this. I'm not forcing you into anything. I just thought you should know. Think about it...and let me know."

She leans down and kisses me lightly on the cheek, her touch sending shivers down my spine. Cliche, but true. How can she not know what I want? I want her. I sigh slightly. But she wants Jason. I smile up at her and, unable to speak, I nod gently. And she leaves. I don't have to think about anything. I know what I want. I want to be involved. I'm going to be a Dad. This is amazing. Only in my dreams had I thought it possible to be having children with Abby and although it's not exactly as it is in my dream...it's as close as I'm gonna get. I'm going to be a Dad!